After my relationship with M. ended I met E. in a bar. I was dancing and she was sitting there, looking absolutely stunning. Her father was Indonesian and her mother was dutch, she had a ravishing exotic beauty and a keen, intelligent mind. She was into fashion and clothes design. I don’t exactly remember how we got together, but I regard it as the first real relationship in my life. She looked like a splendid squawk and we used to put feathers in each others hair and run through the city barefoot pretending to be Indians. It was incredible fun and free. I remember i used to run over stratumseind barefooted and always my feet were full of glass and bleeding but for some reason that seemed cool. We made love everywhere even in the park when people were walking by. She had this incredible Indian looking coat she’d put on the grass and I’d screw the hell out of her. One time we were make love on the rooftop and the entire philips department was watching us from the office next to it but we simply didn’t give a shit.We were caught up in this sweeping sexual romance thing…

And we felt like the most free people in the world. E. wasn’t very experienced she just had one boyfriend before me and he was sort of an eunuch so all this sexuality stuff was pretty new to her. She somehow transformed from a neat girl into the most horny thing in the world. Two years ago I had an American-dutch poet friend to visit here and I asked him if he remembered E. and he said ‘oh yeah that incredibly horny girl’ – well, that was her and we were together about a half year. It was pretty intensive. I think we loved each other a lot. I remember she used to kick me a lot whenever I poked fun at her, but I love girls that kick me so I just kept poking.

By that time I was living in a squatted school. More on that later on. I remember she used to get really pissed at me for wanting to sleep alone. I would leave her at the roof and get into my own bed and in the morning she’d throw stuff at me like my shoes. She would yell too and throw stuff at me for leaving her alone there.

We went on a holiday to Berlin, Prague and Budapest but it went wrong there. I had promised my friend we would go and she insisted on coming even if she was damn ill. My friend arno didn’t think it necessary to bring a tent so we had only 1 small tent for 3 people. After a day of tiresome hitchhiking we arrived in Berlin and had no idea where to go. It was raining like shit. I said let’s just put the tent in the bushes and get it over with. We did that, and we hardly fitted in but somehow I managed to still make love to E. while arno pretended to sleep.Around 6 in the morning we found out the tent was about 2 meters from the tramway. Hell! We visited Berlin, Prague and Budapest but this 3 person thing was a big mistake and E. and me were fighting all the time. She was still ill and blaming all sorts of things on me. When we arrived in Hungary, after sleeping on the floor of the border police office, her parents were there and she’ continue the trip with them. Arno was tired of it all and wanted to go home. So I said okay I will go on alone then. I looked at the map and the were some mountains northeast of Budapest that looked interesting. I hiked there and arrived on my birthday. I bought a bottle of vodka and walked as far into the forest as I could. I put the tent up and drank the entire bottle to celebrate my birthday. I felt like shit, actually, and went to sleep. The next morning I was awoken by an insane noise. There was a helicopter circling above my tent shouting stuff in hungerian at me. I quickly packed my stuff and moved on.

Once back in Holland I met E. On stratumseind and I remember exactly what she said. She didn’t even say hello. She said: ‘you have aids!’ Somehow in my absence he mind had gone on some trip about me having aids and she was completely freaked out about it. There was some reason behind it – a year before that I had become ‘blood brothers’ with a girl sitting next to me on the dance floor. I have no idea why, she was a gorgeous girl sitting next to me and I suddenly got the idea to become blood brothers and she agreed, so we cut our pulses with some glass and did it. It felt very romantic but later on she came tell me there was a chance her boyfriend had aids. So that’s were E. got it from – but she was way too trippy about it. I tried to talk sense into her but she kept repeating the same line ‘you have aids’ like she was a record that got stuck. I looked at her and I knew I had to hit her. I slapped her in her face and she came out of it and laughed and we had a good time after it. I got an aids test to calm her mind and all was well.

She moved to Arnhem to study fashion. I visited her a few times, the last time planning to break up. I told her I wanna break up she said yeah me too. Then we screwed one last time and it was over. It was a very nice way of saying goodbye.

She kept writing me letters though for a long time I was getting these long handwritten letters in which she’d tell me all her sexual escapades. I really liked reading them. I think I really loved that girl. I think she loved me too because when i visited her in Arnhem, after we already broke up, she gave me a painting she made of me. It was this weird surreal painting with me on it and a penis. I kept that painting a long time but it got lost somewhere between all my movings.

After that I only saw her one more time, on the Amsterdam kunstvlaai. It was a moment of amazement since the same spirit was still there. Sometimes I still miss her.