Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

After I broke up with E. things were somehow seriously going downhill in terms of being isolated. I just didn’t find anyone there interesting, they were all moralistic, political sort of people whom I felt little connection to. The only exception was Paultje. He was a thin, weird looking fellow who was also into Castaneda. One time he ate about 50 mushrooms when he was depressed and he had been having these ‘after flashes’ ever since. Sometimes I would walk with him through the city and he would suddenly stop and just stare confused at his own reflection in a shopping window. Otherwise he was a pretty decent guy though and he got me into On-U-sound music of which he was a fervent collector. I remember one time we went on holiday to Schiermonnikoog together. We stayed at some farm and most of the time we were busy practicing the right way of walking, meditation, etc. He freaked out one time because he got attacked by an owl while he was practicing. There was also another guy there who was into magick he was all the time talking about dream manipulation. Decent fellow, but at night I scared him by moving my sexual energy around the room and in some way I was able to make the girls in the room moan. I was pretty deep into the mind at that time. I remember I could make people say stuff, for example. I would sit at a table and I noticed that one could simply ‘steer’ a conversation by planting thoughts into someone else’s head. That might sound far fetched to some people, but in fact its a rather common phenomenon if anything. People do that sort of stuff all the time. The big error is that they assume that anything they ‘hear’ in their own heads are their own thoughts. The reality is pretty different. Its more like we live in this thought field that interconnects and thoughts are being exchanged all the time. As such ‘clairvoyance’ in the sense of thought reading is a very common phenomenon, all it actually requires is the talent of differentiating between your own thoughts and those of others and some concentration ability to listen well. The majority of fortune tellers consist of people who will simply tell you what you want to hear. Then there are some who have actually developed this differentiation ability and can actually repond to stuff from your head, but it doesn’t mean much that they can do so. Real oracling abilities requires much more than this and those sort of people are quite rare.

Two weeks after I returned from Arnhem some guy walked into my room. He was a croatian guy and Paul told him I had Crowley books. He told me he was a member of OTO and if I was interested in joining it. I said I didn’t know. He did a Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram in my room to show me how its done. It was pretty impressive. It felt like he was controlling invisible winds that were blowing through my room. I was kind of baffled by the whole phenomenon of this guy appearing like this and I never considered the option of ritualistic magick. He asked me to perform a LBRP too but I declined, it felt too weird to do anything like that with him watching. Two weeks later he send me a Liber Al vel Legis in the post, a Croatian-English version. I read it but I didn’t like that book very much. Parts of it were interesting, parts of it irritating. I had the biggest problem with part 2. Chunks of it sounded like social Darwinism and I seriously dislike that sort of philosophies. I was wrong interpreting them that way, but at that time, being 19, I was young and I had some naive hopes for my fellow humans.

Everything now posed a big dilemma: would I join an organization I knew little about? I felt things were connected, the appearance of the Castaneda guy from Aachen, the appearance of the OTO guy in my room. On the other hand I never liked organizations much and I didn’t particularly like that book he had send me. So there was a serious dilemma. Two dreams I had made the situation even worse. In the first dream my future self came to meet me. He had a copy of Liber Al vel legis in his hand and he told me the book was ‘okay’. That’s exactly what the message was. When I woke up I thought about it and thought this must mean I should join. So I got in touch and arranged for a meeting in Germany. At that time there was no Dutch branch, if I am correct I was the first Dutch person to join it.

However, there followed a second dream. In that dream I was in an underground cave complex. There was a room in the middle of the complex where an alien lived, in a room full of manuscripts and books. Whenever I would enter that room he would turn at me an look at me with his completely black eyes. Every time he did that I would feel a boost of terrible fright, since the intelligence that radiated from him was so otherworldlish, so hostile, so alien that it scared the creeps out of me. I ran away every time only to find that I got back to that same underground room.

After some loops I managed to find a way out. I was in a mountain landscape. A voice from the air told me I had to push this giant rock into the abyss. Below the mountain my friends were standing. I did what the voice asked and killed all of them with the rock. Then hundreds of ladders came out of the sky and I started to climb one of them. After climbing for a while I came unto a room in the sky. The room was filled with a blue light. There were entities inside that greeted me and it felt like finally I was coming home. I felt a great peace being there. Then, all of a sudden, the thought came to my mind: I had forgotten to close the door! I saw in a flash that the creature from the cave had followed me up the ladder. That thought was so scary I woke up, bathing in my own sweat. That dream was the most strong and real feeling dream I ever had. It was a prophetic dream, which are quite rare. I was completely at loss as to how to interpret it. What the fuck did this mean? I had no fucking clue. It undid the certainty I gained from the future self dream but I decided to go on with the initiation thing anyway in the hope for some answers. I got an invitation for Minerval initiation from Allala Oasis, they were located next to the Muzel between Koblenz and Triest. I went there by train. A woman named Beatrix told me by letter that she would pick me up from the railway station. The station was rather empty, they lived in this miniature town, but somehow Beatrix managed to miss me and I sneaked up on her when she was about to get into her car disappointed that I didn’t show up. We got into the car and drove to their house.